During our rather lengthy break, the others have been excitedly working on articles, reviews and other goodies for this blog site. They looked like they were having a blast looking at all the cool new games and the number of titles they meant to review before our office was being renovated. It must be fun to play a game you are dying to play and I could see it in their faces.

As for me, I was stuck with box after box of games that gave me nightmares at night or – in some cases – drove me to near madness. See that babbling idiot of a girl running down the street yelling “Pokemon should be banned forever!” or “BMX XXX will lead mankind into a new Dark Age?” That girl is me!

So have your laughs and fun, editors of Game Frontline, just know that I’m sticking you all with the bill for my psycho-therapy. Electric shock therapy isn’t cheap, you know?

Fugitive Hunter: War on Terror (PlayStation 2)

Finally, a cool action game I could sink my teeth into and there’s a surprise villain that will curl your toes at the end of the game. This is what I thought but 5 minutes into this first-person shooter where it takes about an entire clip to take down one terrorist I knew I was in for a long trip into heartbreak territory. Why do I have to start all over from the very beginning when I die? Why is my pistol able to take down a jeep but not a dude behind a gun emplacement?

Why is the final boss battle – with Osama Bin Laden, no less – play out like a Tekken game? Sure, I would love to beat Bin Laden to death with my fists but I didn’t know this terrorist scum was trained in the fine art of karate and can leap back on his feet when knocked down as if he were Jet Li and Jackie Chan rolled into one bearded freak.

This one gets points for most obscure final boss battle but the rest of the game is so aggravating that your PS2 will hate you. Machines have feelings too, you know.

Mad Dog McCree: Gunslinger Pack (Wii)

I’m in hell and it’s all Mad Dog McCrae’s fault.

Long ago, in arcades everywhere, there were light gun games that featured live actors instead of digitized characters. Back in the late 1980s and early 1990s it must have been so totally rad to point a plastic gun at a live actor playing the role of a Mexican bandit or shifty gunslinger. Now, thanks to the Wii Remote, we can do the same at home.

"Welcome to Burrito Express! May I-OW! Why'd you shoot me?"

Guess what? It sucks just as bad as it did back then and even with cool new technology the hit detection and response time of your gunshot is slower than an inbred Texan cousin (sorry, Cousin Ned). Sure, the actors are at their cheesy best but the gameplay will wear you down until you think you have gone to hell. Why, Devil, have you given us such an irritating game?

BMX XXX (Xbox)

Imagine the early Tony Hawk Pro Skater games of yesteryear in your mind. Do you have it? Now imagine an early Tony Hawk Pro Skater game only with BMX bikes and a sense of humor that only my slow inbred Texan cousin Ned would find funny and controls so erratic that popping a wheelie and failing means instant death. Oh, your reward for completing objectives are clips of the skankiest Scores girls going topless. Apparently, these girls must have come from a Scores – a gentlemen’s club in New York City – near the airport where the quality is questionable.

Pictured Above: When Hannah Montana "jumped the shark."

Oh, BMX XXX, you wound me with cheap frat boy tricks and your “brilliant” scheme to try to lure in the boys with your awful siren call that might have tricked guys into buying the horrible The Guy Game. If you only knew that this game is being used in game design schools as an example of games that actually kill.